Position: Parent

Must be an excellent spin-doctor. Must be patient, consistent, and creative. Medical, teaching, debating, and policing skills; ability to clean up puke in strange places; tears on small faces; to help heal hurt feelings and mend broken hearts: Required.

Assets: Thinking on your feet, running with sore feet; willingness to play the same (physical and mental) games over and over, to enthusiastically pretend to like the hokey-pokey and later, try to understand the latest teen craze; to explain things you don’t really understand yourself, to be fair and flexible and admit all your mistakes.

No paid vacations or medical benefits.
Hours: Long and variable.
Must accept frequent schedule changes without notice.
Pay: You’re joking, right?
Rewards: Endless.

A Lighter Take On Swine Flu Pandemonium

I know it’s serious, and I pray no one else dies from this, but I can’t help making fun of the pandemonium and media frenzy that has taken place around the world; the pandemonium taking place today in my province, as people line up for six hours or more, people with chronic illnesses, with their babies and toddlers, standing in the freezing cold, hacking and coughing on each other, waiting to get this vaccine. There’s got to be a better way.

On Swine Flu

I’m standing in line,
and I’ve got a gun.
Gimme that shot for H1N1.

Roses are red, violets are blue.
Let’s make love; not swine flu.

And for your holiday cards:

Kiss me, Santa Baby,
but don’t use tongue.
Let’s not spread H1N1.